There was a kid who used to come by the Record Exchange. He was really into the Big Boys, maybe their single most dedicated fan. He was also a little, well, "slow". Not the sharpest tool in the shed, even by our diminished standards.

He was crazy about the "Fun Fun Fun" EP, 6 great songs on a 12" ep.

He was at all the Big Boys shows but nobody ever really talked to him because, ya know, he was pretty much a retard, although not so much of a retard as to be interesting. He didn't droll or do weird stuff. He just had a really big head and wasn't too bright. But I knew him from the store, and one night during a break between sets, standing out on the sidewalk outside the Ritz, trying to cool off because it musta been 115 degrees inside if the 90 degrees on the sidewalk seemed refreshing, the kid came up and started talking.

He was thrilled, as always. Anything about the Big Boys really thrilled him. But the Big Boys in concert were so much different than on record. So much more energy, he said. I agreed. And then he demonstrated. "On the record," he said, "they sing it like this: Fffffuuuuuuhhhhhnnnnn fffffffuuuuuuuhhhhhnnnnn ffffffuuuuuuhhhhnnnn" pitching his voice an octave or two lower, positively lugubrious. And I realized the poor kid had never figured out that it was a 45. He'd been digging the hell out of it at 33 1/3. And I didn't have the heart to tell him.

When I got home I tried it out at 33, just to see how it sound. Not as good, even as drunk as I was.

The Butthole Surfers ep came out and said 69 rpm. All sorts of dingaling kids bought it and then tried to return it. "My turntable doesn't play 69 rpm," they'd say. "Try it at 45," I'd whisper to 'em like I was confiding some kinda secret--the key to the underground--now they'd be in the know and could join our elite club. Most of 'em went home and tried it again, but there were still a few who were skeptical...I mean, why would Gibby write 69rpm on the label if it wasn't true?